There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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