those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
