btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
