it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
