you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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