i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
