Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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