Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
