Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
