JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
