I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
