I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
