Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
