And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This house was built for laser tag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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