3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
