just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
