I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
