I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
