The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
