nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
