soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
