I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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