i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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