I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
