I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
