I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
