he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think people are normalizing furries
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
