So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
