If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
