if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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