That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
