Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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