i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
