May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I puked a lego.
she looked like the before picture.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
