I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
