How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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