It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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