well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
