Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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