You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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