Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
