You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're a waste of cheezeits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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