she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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