it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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