I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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