Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
