Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
