when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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