New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
