I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
