i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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