Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
